She’s hesitating again. Guess I have to ramp up the intensity. It wasn’t every day Heather would talk about her relationship problems, so Myra wanted to teach her everything at once. “You’re still hiding something from me?” Myra asked sternly. She had to do that, or Heather wouldn’t cave in.
“It happened back in school.” Heather struggled for a moment before finally deciding to come clean. It had been her little secret for too long, and she never told anyone about it. Now that she looked back on it, Heather thought it was a sweet memory, even though the relationship didn’t end well. It did bud, though.
She and that young man were two proud individuals. It was the first time Heather came across someone who was so similar that she felt like he was her other half. It was then she started falling for him.
Back then, she had just begun studying abroad in Italy, so everything was new and unfamiliar to her. The good thing was that she finally broke free of her family, and back then, she still had the innocence of a young woman as well as a sweet smile to boot.
She was still a minor, but she was already making her own money to fund her studies, and she had to rely on herself for everything. Her family wouldn’t help her, save for Robert, though she refused his help every time.
Even though she was a young woman, Heather was already a calculating one. She had an alluring charm that drew in many men, and back then, there was a German guy on the campus. He was a famous one. The guy was as serious as a German could be, and he didn’t even try to steal glances at Heather. That left a good impression on her, since she disliked frivolous men; serious men were more her type.
They did talk after that, though all their conversations revolved around academia. They were top scorers, and proud ones at that, so they’d compete at every chance they had. It was a good memory; one that made her smile even after all those years. She and the German guy didn’t like entertainment, so they spent most of their free time on practical work.
Their perfect compatibility made her feel like she was destined to date him, but she didn’t want to go for it so soon, and the same went for the guy. They reached a tacit agreement to stay in an ambiguous relationship and went with the flow. Back then, she thought they would end up dating after a couple of years, but it didn’t go as she wished. Trials and tribulations came, and they failed the test.
Since they weren’t a couple, they wouldn’t tie anyone down. Both of them had their own suitors, and the suitors would do anything to break them up. When they were given that perfect chance to drive a wedge between them, of course the suitors would use it.
Their pride got in the way of any communication, so the best way to break them up was through a series of misunderstandings. Back then, Heather was already prepared to accept the guy’s confession, but instead of that, all she got were baseless accusations. It was then she thought she had seen his true colors, and all the dreams she had were shattered into pieces.
She thought the guy wouldn’t fall for such an obvious misunderstanding, nor would he argue with her over that. She believed that trust was the foundation for love; she trusted the man, and she thought he’d trust her too, but in the end, he chose to take someone else’s word over hers. The arguments they had finally dashed her hopes of dating him.
When they finally sorted out the misunderstanding, the guy eventually confessed to her, but she gave him a smile and said no. She could still remember what she told him that day. ‘Mutual trust is the foundation for love. You might say I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but I can’t accept the confession of someone who doesn’t trust me.’
Heather looked like she had let it go, but she never did. Thanks to that, she was traumatized by the prospect of dating. She couldn’t stand the pain of not being trusted by someone she loved. Running a knife through her would feel better than that, since it would kill her quickly. Distrust was a form of torture that kept on tormenting her, eventually breaking her.
The man back then told her something that she still remembered until this day. ‘You look so strong, so I thought nothing could hurt you. I took you for granted. I thought we were meant to be together, but I forgot that you need someone to love and rely on along the way. I’m sorry. I won’t disturb you anymore.’
Heather turned around and shed a single drop of tear back then. It was just one drop of tear, but coming from her, it was nigh impossible. That day, she lost a lover and a soulmate. She often wondered if they would end up dating if they had more time, but alas, they were not given that luxury.
Myra was surprised after hearing the whole story. She never expected Heather to experience a budding relationship that got nipped in her university years, so she didn’t know how to advise her. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Myra tried her best to stay calm. She could imagine how helpless Heather must have been, but to think she never said a word to anyone was shocking.
“It was nothing to write home about.” Heather smiled melancholically. Everyone thought she got over it easily, but it took her a long time to actually get out of the pit of sorrow.
“So that’s the reason you’re so afraid of dating right now,” Myra said carefully. She could understand why Heather was so afraid of dating. With how disastrous her first love turned out to be, she’d rather go without any boyfriend than to risk hurting herself again; such was Heather’s nature.
But just like how bad relationships existed, good relationships were there for the picking too. Getting hurt was inevitable, and misunderstandings were just part and parcel of romance, especially when the man and the woman were trying to get along with each other. A perfect start like what Heather wanted was almost impossible.
“That’s one of the reasons, the other being I don’t find myself attracted to most men.” Heather felt more at ease after telling Myra everything.
“What would it take for you to start another relationship then?” Myra had the feeling that she was a therapist. Am I counseling her right now?
Heather took another sip of the tea. “I’d probably start a relationship that won’t end badly.” That was how Heather was; everything had to work in the way she wanted them to, and everything must benefit her. She was a businesswoman through and through.
Myra massaged her temples. God, she’s talking about probabilities now? It’s so hard talking to her. A relationship that won’t end badly? How the heck can she even know how a relationship would end before it even started? Does she think she can apply math in romance?
At that moment, a crazy idea popped up in Myra’s head. What if humans start picking out their partners through computers in the future? What if they rely on AI for romance in the future? Immediately, Myra ditched that idea and decided that she must change the way Heather was thinking. If she keeps this up, romance will be impossible. “How can you even calculate the probability, Heather?” Myra planned on continuing the topic so she could change Heather’s mind easily.
Heather answered, “I’ll have to factor in a lot of elements, both physical and abstract. I know some guys I should stay away from, because they’re nothing but trouble.” Then, she thought about Matthias again, though she still didn’t want to accept his love.
“Can you really even process that if you really love someone?” Myra thought Heather was treating relationships like a child’s game. Immature and childish. You can’t calculate love, and it’s not love if it’s 100% rational all the time. “And probabilities are uncertain. The relationship might just end in failure, even if the chances are slim. On the flip side, you might just end up marrying the guy you think would be a failure in the beginning and live your life out with him.”
Myra tried her best to change Heather’s line of thinking. She would rather believe in her own instincts compared to some computed probability. In response, Heather looked at her while pondering about Myra’s reply. Heather knew she had a point, but she thought it was impossible to date Matthias, especially not when the one he liked was Myra.
If I did end up dating him, we’d be in a love triangle, and I’d be dragging Myra into this. The thought of dragging Myra into her mess made Heather feel guilty, so she decided she would never date Matthias, no matter how much she liked him. But have I been overreacting to him? That’s not good, right? Heather was starting to think about something else entirely, and she thought she had to treat Matthias like how she always did. The more I don’t want it to happen, the more I have to hold it in, or I’d just expose myself to everyone. Heather could finally feel at ease after reaching that conclusion.
On the other hand, Myra was still trying to change Heather’s mind, and she thought her friend had understood everything she said when she saw how enlightened Heather looked.
“Take me and Tony for example. You’d probably say we shouldn’t have dated, but we’re still going strong. Relationships aren’t as scary as you think. All you have to do is take a step forward, and you’ll see a whole new world. You’ll see how blind you’ve been at that point.” Man, I’m going all out, using my own relationship as an example.
But then, Myra herself finally understood something while she was explaining it to Heather too. Why’d I even worry about the wedding when I could finally marry the man I love? All I have to do is be the best bride I can be. Being a worrywart is just stupid.
They looked at each other silently, each thinking about their own problems, then they beamed when they realized that their dilemmas had already been settled along the way.
“I see where you’re coming from. I’ll give it some thought. Let’s not talk about all this depressing stuff. It’s not every day we get to meet. There’s this handbag I’ve been eyeing, and I want another opinion.” Heather shifted the topic when she realized Myra was looking happier than she was earlier, so she couldn’t bring herself to talk about romance anymore.
Myra knew she couldn’t prompt Heather anymore, so she played along. Even so, she felt happy that Heather actually took her advice. At the same time, she realized that marrying Tony with everyone’s blessing was the happiest thing she could think of. Thus, all she needed to do was be a happy bride during the wedding.
