Matthias felt oddly ashamed of himself as he lowered his cutleries. He watched helplessly as Nikolai stormed off. It seems like Nikolai really treats Heather differently. I’ve always thought that he didn’t know anything about romantic relationships, but I guess that was just because he hadn’t met the right person at the right time. It worries me to see him so deeply infatuated with Heather though. Who would have thought that it would be love at first sight for Nikolai?
He reminds me of how I had felt when I first fell in love with Myra after seeing her gentle and warm smile. Love is such an unpredictable thing. Who knows if he’ll spend the rest of his life longing for a girl, or if he’ll be able to get over his feelings before that?
Heather lowered her cutleries when she saw how worried Matthias seemed. Any spark of romance that they shared a while ago was completely gone after Nikolai’s sudden appearance. They both exchanged glances with one another, and neither of them looked like they had the appetite to continue their meals. “I’m sorry,” Matthias finally said after a while.
He didn’t understand why he felt the need to apologize, but his apology was precisely what Heather had been waiting for. In response, she curled her lips upward as she questioned the reason for his apology. “What’s there to be sorry about?” she uttered in a casual and lighthearted tone. She wasn’t about to get herself caught between Matthias and Nikolai.
“Nikolai has been under a lot of stress recently, so he might have acted out of line earlier. I hope you can forgive him.” Matthias was attempting to justify Nikolai’s acts, but it clearly wasn’t much of a justification.
“It’s fine. I wasn’t too bothered by it. I’m full now.” Heather gave him a hearty chuckle, but he had to force himself to look away, for he would have been too distracted by her angelic smile otherwise.
“I’m full too. Why don’t we go to the living room and try something from my alcohol collection?” he suggested. He wanted to get rid of the awkward atmosphere between them, so he figured that they had to do something else.
On the other hand, she swirled the remaining liquid in her glass and finished it before she responded. “It’s late now. Perhaps we can do it some other day!” Heather no longer wanted to stay around, and she made it clear with the look in her eyes; even her smile was starting to seem rather impatient.
“Let me send you off then.” Matthias decided that he couldn’t forcefully keep her around, so both of them then got out of their seats.
“It’s fine. I’ll see myself out.” Heather felt oddly sober after rejecting his offer. She no longer wanted the ambiguously romantic relationship with Matthias; any mildly intimate acts they shared between them only reminded her of her past self that she despised. Now, she believed that liking someone was a sacred and unique experience, and what she had with Matthias was a compromise that was gradually growing into a romance. The slow transition from putting on a show as a couple to privately interacting with each other as a couple was frightening for Heather.
Yet, Matthias couldn’t comprehend the fear that Heather was feeling. He wasn’t even aware of how much he had fallen for her as he still believed that Myra was the only woman he fancied.
That was the thing about romantic relationships that weren’t wholly established—neither party would know what would happen next if one of them genuinely fell for the other. Being the combination of a woman who refused to open herself up to love and a man who had another person that he fancied, they simply weren’t suited to toy around with the idea of love between them.
We would only hurt each other in the process. Heather might have been testing the waters for a while, but she quickly came to this conclusion. Therefore, she rushed off soon after Nikolai interrupted their meal. All Matthias could do then was to watch as she made her way out.
Evan hurried over to send Heather off once Matthias sent him a look, and he returned to see that Matthias had flipped the entire table over. As Evan began to tidy up the mess that Matthias had just made, the latter was still fuming with anger, so he gave Matthias a long, thoughtful gaze.
Only a few individuals were aware of the fact that Evan and Matthias were friends. Heather knew that Matthias was her senior, but she didn’t realize that Evan was, in fact, her senior as well. Halfway through their studies, Evan traveled to England to train as a housekeeper, and Matthias had specially hired Evan to work for him because of the relationship they had with one another. Regardless of where Matthias went, he would make sure to bring Evan along with him.
Matthias didn’t necessarily need a housekeeper for himself, but what he longed for was a person that he could talk to. It was tough to suppress all his emotions without releasing them to someone, and Evan was his trusty outlet. He trusted Evan since he was a quiet person who knew not to gossip about others.
“Stop cleaning up,” Matthias said to Evan. “Get someone else to do it. I want you to have a few drinks with me.” Matthias walked over to Evan as he spoke, and Evan had no choice but to get to his feet. Although Evan wasn’t the most outstanding housekeeper, for he often achieved only the bare minimum standards, he was still a decent listener. That was the main reason their friendship grew, even though they had only been classmates for a year.
“Did I make a mistake?” Evan was an observant man. For a moment, Matthias was tempted to ask Evan if he had ever not made a mistake.
Once they got to the living room, Evan dutifully opened a bottle of wine for them. All the alcohol that Evan had picked out for Matthias were top-tier drinks, and the both of them often had a few glasses with one another. Several issues might have been a cause for concern when they were sober, but there was little that they couldn’t solve by having a few drinks. At the very least, alcohol allowed them to escape their problems for a while.
They quickly slipped into a conversation as they drank. “Why do you care about what’s right or wrong?” Evan asked in a carefree tone that reflected his personality. In the past, Evan had been the child of a wealthy family, but things changed when his family went bankrupt. He lost everything overnight, and he had no hopes of getting back up on his feet as he didn’t have many talents or skills to begin with.
He only studied economics in the same school as Matthias because his father had assumed that he would inherit the family business someday. However, when the business collapsed, everyone grieved and struggled over the loss except Evan. He was the only one who felt relieved as he hadn’t wanted to inherit the company from the start.
He felt much more relaxed with his life after the bankruptcy, and his decision to transfer to England for a housekeeping course was made on a whim. In Evan’s opinion, there was no clear distinction between right and wrong, as long as he didn’t feel troubled by his decisions. Matthias, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy troubling himself, and that was probably one of the reasons Matthias kept Evan around as a listener.
Matthias longed for someone who could help alter his personality, be it a family member, friend, or lover. He might have portrayed himself as a powerful and manly individual, but deep down, all he longed for was someone to save him from the person he was.
“I never expected Nikolai to fall for her,” Matthias uttered in a pained voice. He had no idea how the issue could possibly be resolved at that point. What’s going to happen in the future? Who knows how this might impact or hurt Nikolai? My heart’s a mess. I feel like I’m watching as Nikolai is going through what I went through in the past. What makes it worse is that I’m the one who forced him upon this path.
“It’s up to an individual to decide if they like or dislike someone. What’s so hard to understand about that? The third person in a relationship doesn’t deserve to be too harshly criticized. Factors like a third party, a secret lover, or unagreeable family members don’t play a key role in one’s relationship. It’s never the main reason that two people don’t end up with one another.” Evan analyzed the situation in a logical manner. Although he had never agreed with Matthias’s view, he knew he couldn’t tell Matthias what to do.
“Fine! Yeah! I just wanted to blame everything on Heather because I’m a cowardly man who’s too selfish to do anything else!” Matthias howled in response.
Being the calm and carefree individual he was, Evan seemed unfazed by this outburst. Instead, he gave Matthias a rather exasperated stare. Both of them never seemed to agree with one another, yet Matthias insisted on keeping Evan by his side all the time. Matthias was worried that he would never be able to feel clear-headed again once Evan left him.
Ever since he found out about Myra’s upcoming marriage and her pregnancy, he felt like he was caught in a muddled, fuzzy state that didn’t allow him any coherent thoughts. I’ve lost my final opportunity to get Myra to return to me, and perhaps fate will never bring us together again. How am I supposed to be okay with that? How am I supposed to give up on our relationship? Our memories had once been a light at the end of a dark tunnel that guided and pushed me forward, but it now feels like I’ve lost that source of light. I simply can’t bring myself to accept the cruel truth.
“It feels like you haven’t grown up at all sometimes.” Evan shot Matthias a pitiful look. There was one important reason that Evan agreed to stay by Matthias’s side—Evan believed that they were the same type of person. Some people refuse to continue growing even before they’ve fully matured. These people only continue to age physically, but they remain the same mentally. I was like that—I refused to grow up because I didn’t want to bear any responsibilities.
Instead, I allowed myself to stray wild, to seek a life of freedom for myself. Matthias refused to grow up after encountering his struggles in love, and he has trapped himself within that immature, childlike relationship ever since. He might have grown his career and his abilities, but his love life has been stagnant ever since that experience. He’s stubbornly holding onto the good memories he had in the past, and he even thinks that Myra might long for him the way he longs for her. He certainly wouldn’t have expected Myra to have completely forgotten about him.
“You can pretend to be drunk when you’re drinking, but how are you going to continue acting dazed when you’re sober, Matthias?” Evan swirled the red wine in his glass. He preferred darker shades of wine.
“Have you ever loved someone?” This was the first time Matthias ever asked Evan about his love life. All along, Matthias had only focused on talking about his own relationships, but he had never heard Evan talk about his relationships.
Evan looked up and tugged his lips into a smile. “I’m sure everyone has fancied a person or two, right?” His smile broadened as he spoke, like flowers that blossomed in the middle of spring.
“How did you get over it, then?” Matthias wanted someone to tell him what to do. He couldn’t afford to continue loving Myra, yet he couldn’t bring himself to cut ties with her.
“Why do I have to get over it? I’m enjoying the relationship. Not all love stories are depressing, you know. The first person that I’ve ever fancied is still in contact with me right now, and we’re still close friends. I’m thankful for how much I’ve grown with this person.” Evan had always believed in maintaining relationships with his loved ones, and he didn’t see the need to cut ties with anyone. To him, there was no need for tearful separations or drunken midnight calls.
However, that didn’t mean that he was someone who gave up on a relationship easily. He insisted on giving his all in a relationship before he gave up on it. The most memorable parts of a relationship shouldn’t be the part where one party desperately clings to another while the other person decides to walk away from the relationship, right?
I think that the best relationships are those that are kept simple. I believe that everything will work only when both parties love each other. I don’t see the need for any other excuses. Why would two individuals get together if they had so many reasons not to be together from the start?
What’s meant to be is meant to be. I don’t think there’s a need to lament over the person you were forced to let go because of some external reasons. If the both of you were really that in love with each other, you would have found your way back already. If one party has lost feelings for the other, then the relationship can no longer be forced. Force two people to stay in love, and they’ll only end up hating each other.
