Ella
Sinclair and I stay up late into the night talking, reveling in this new discovery. I’d believed our dream date would give us closure, but it turns out it wasn’t the end at all – it was the beginning. “It’s no wonder you’ve been feeling so off-kilter.”
Sinclair consoles, trailing his fingers up and down my naked back. When he’d started stripping me, I thought we were going to make love again something I was only too eager to experience outside of my dreams.
Unfortunately he’d informed me that his wolf wouldn’t be able to resist marking me for real, so we’d better wait until we know it’s safe. Of course as soon as he mentioned claiming me, the little voice in my head had gone wild with excitement. I’d attempted to change his mind, showing off my curves and plying him with kisses.
However when my hand snuck down to close around his hard length, he’d put a quick stop to my tricks, seizing the offending limbs and pinning me in place. I’d whined and growled, but he only growled back, giving my bottom a few hard swats.
Now I’m sprawled across his chest, chastised and sulking, and he clearly thinks he can make me feel better by sympathizing – the tyrant. “It’s not just the pregnancy or the stress. You’ve finally found your own kind, and your inner wolf has been coming out more and more.”
I sniff, preparing to argue, but then his words sink in. My inner wolf.. the little voice in my head.. she’s the one that’s been urging me to behave so oddly lately. I can never recall her being so vocal before, or so unreasonable. I always assumed it was my conscience, but in hindsight… are consciences usually so defiant? Do they usually have personalities of their own, and feel separate and part of you at the same time?
Suddenly I remember how that same inner voice had cried out her joy at being free when I shifted in the dream. Conscience? I think hesitantly. Are… are you my wolf?
Well duh. She responds dryly. It certainly took you long enough to figure it out. Why didn’t you tell me! I exclaim in reply, exasperated. I thought you knew! You’re always talking to me! She counters hotly. Sinclair is watching me closely, a knowing look on his face. “Wolves can be very contrary at times.”
“I…. I’ve always had this voice.” I share softly, my eyes wide, “I had no idea.” He nods. “When you grow up among wolves your elders teach you that voice is your inner animal, that’s part of why it’s so important that shifters are raised among their packs.”
“I still don’t understand.” I admit, feeling completely overwhelmed. “If this is all real, then why did I ever shift when I was old enough, why is she only coming out now?”
“I hate to say it, Ella.” Sinclair begins gravely. “But I think it’s likely that someone did this to you.. that they bound your wolf so she couldn’t get out.”
“What do you mean?” I inquire, my muscles tensing nervously. “You have to understand that if a pack knows a child exists and something happens to their parents, then the pup will be placed with a relative or a shifter family willing to foster them.
Our children are incredibly important to us, and it would be neglect of the worst kind to knowingly let them be raised among humans.
The only time it happens is when the parents didn’t have any connections in the shifter world, usually they’re rogues or outside their own territory. Every case I’ve ever heard of a dormant wolf begins with a child being found by humans at the sight of an accident, or wandering unattended in the wilderness or a strange city.” Sinclair explains stroking my hair with a pitying expression. “Okay.” I nod, not sure where this is going. “So maybe my parents were from a different pack?”
He shakes his head. “Sweetheart, I looked into your records at the orphanage when all this began. You weren’t found by the humans… you were given to them. Your parents surrendered you directly to the orphanage. There weren’t any names in the file –
which shouldn’t have been allowed, but it’s part of why I never entertained the idea that you might be a wolf. I thought if you were dormant it would have shown years ago, and that no shifters would ever give their pup to the humans.” It surprises me how badly this information hurts.
I’d never known my family history – I left the orphanage before I reached adulthood, and it wasn’t the institution’s policy to share details like this with children. Still, I don’t know any orphan who hasn’t concocted a fantasy that their parents would come for them one day. No one wants to believe they were just abandoned… unwanted.”
Why didn’t you tell me?” “Because I thought it was in the past, and that it would only hurt you.” Sinclair frowns, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away a rogue tear. “But now that we know the truth… it suggests that something much bigger is going on here, Ella. I think your parents must have been trying to hide you for some reason, and they cut you off from your wolf to make sure you wouldn’t be found”
“So how do we find out for sure?”I ask, not sure how to feel about this idea. Is it worse to just be abandoned, or for people who are supposed to love you most, to intentionally cut you off from your true soul?
Sinclair hugs me close, seeing how badly I need his comfort. “We get a DNA test, to start.” He proclaims. “And then we take it one step at a time.”
The next morning I find myself sitting in the familiar doctor’s office, with two very serious looking wolves towering over me. The nearest one, Sinclair, looks as if he’s trying to glower the physician into the ground, and I suspect he’s feeling particularly protective after watching the man withdraw my blood. Apparently his wolf can’t stand seeing me bleed, even if it’s just for a test.
I lean into his side, not sure whether it’s to soothe him or myself. “Well, it’s confirmed.” The doctor confirms, “You’re a wolf, Ella.”
Sinclair’s arm squeezes my shoulders, and I feel his lips graze my hair. “Then why didn’t I know, why can’t I shift?” I inquire, only sounding a little petulant.
“I don’t know.” He purses his lips regretfully. “All this test tells us is that you have shifter DNA. I can refer you to a geneticist to try and decipher a particular family line, traits, whether you’re an alpha or omega, but unless someone else in your family has given samples, we won’t know who you are or how this happened. That’s probably something you’ll have to figure out yourself.”
“Do you know how we can wake her inner wolf completely?” Sinclair questions. “It’s obviously been coming out since we met, especially with the baby, but it’s still buried deep.”
“Well the bad news is that you’ll probably have to wait until your pup is born.” The physician informs us. As soon as your wolf does wake, you’ll probably go into your first shift. Normally it’s perfectly safe for breeding she-wolves to shift because it’s instantaneous. But a first shift breaks all the bones and tears muscles – as you know, Alpha. There’s no telling what it would do to the baby.”
“But I shifted in the dream, and that was instant.” I remind Sinclair.
“It’s not the same, sweetheart.” Sinclair shakes his head sadly. “Pups can dream as their wolves too, the first time is still awful.”
“You mean I have to give birth and have all my bones broken sometime in the near future?” I demand indignantly. Before Sinclair can reply, the doctor chimes in, let’s just hope it’s not the same day, Ella.”
“What?” both of our heads jerk towards the man, and my heart stalls in my chest. “Well, uh – that’s the thing.” The doctor hedges, watching Sinclair warily. A low growl is rumbling steadily in the Alpha’s chest, and I wonder if it wasn’t meant to be a purr to calm me, only he wasn’t calm enough himself to manage it. “A couple of things could wake her wolf naturally. If you were to claim her as your mate, or giving birth.
It’s also possible that neither of those things will do it and you’ll have to find another way.” He holds up his hands. “These are just guesses mind you, but the fact that her wolf has been coming out in response to you and the baby would indicate that her mate or he child might be enough to break whatever binds her wolf. So if birth triggers it, it might be… well, back-to-back.”
“Why would you tell her that with so little tact.” Sinclair snarls. “She’s already under enough stress. “ “I’m sorry, Alpha, these are uncharted waters for all of us.” The doctor says, tucking an invisible tail between his legs. “It just came out.”
“And I suppose you have no idea how we might bring out her wolf if those things don’t work?” Sinclair interrogates through gritted teeth.
“No. I’ve never seen a case like this. I think you need to go to the elders, if anyone knows about this kind of magic, it’s them.”
Sinclair growls, scooping me up off the table. “
Then we’ll go to the elders.”
